Battlegrounds

Reading the Three Battlegrounds by Francis Frangipane. I know I've read through it before, found Jesus Loves Me bookmarks in it from years ago. What type of 4th or 5th grader was I? No normal young adult book for me, no, I chose to read about Spiritual warfare...lol.

I'm cool with it, better that then twilight, I say. And I have to wonder if those things are the reasons why I don't have many problems with accepting supernatural and spiritual things. Or even the basics like tongues. I received the baptism when I was young, 10 or 11 and a Holy-Spirit filled friend of ours was playing the piano in the Spirit. I started singing in tongues. And it went from there. Ever since I was young I've been exposed to the power of the Holy Spirit. In my parents, mentors, friends...and in a safe place, too. In a church where I can ground myself of solid biblical doctrine, in a family who is open to the Holy Spirit's work and cautious of going "overboard."

Doesn't mean my life has been beautiful or happy all the time. The opposite is true. I often find myself having to fight tooth and nail for the happiness, such as making the decision to smile up at God in the midst of pain, depression, and yuck. I've been pressed, persecuted, struck down...and yes, not crushed, abandoned, or destroyed. Through the grace of God. Some people look at me and think I lead a blessed life. I do. God has given me an amazing family, an amazing church, mentors, friends (now), and tons more. But I have struggles too. My struggles just aren't the readily evident ones of poverty, strife, broken family, etc. And sometimes I think they would be easier. But God has given each of us certain gifts, abilities, strengths, and weaknesses. And I believe that they are always going to be what we need according to what our individual situations are. God promises never to give us more than we can handle.

Mostly, I find my hardest battles to be the ones where I am fighting myself. My thoughts are the number one place where I struggle. Because of where I went those three years, I dug myself into a habitual thought life that even now, in the midst of all God's blessing, sneaks back up. And it is SO easy to go there. It scares me sometimes...I scare me sometimes. But it's a place where I surrendered to the enemy in my life. And now, as God is helping me to tear down that stronghold, he's fighting back.
Seriously and literally, last night was a hard-earned victory. I wanted to go there, I almost did, but I called upon the name of the Lord, and he saved me. From myself. I said, "Jesus, help me, Jesus, help me, Jesus, help me," over and over until I could sleep.

And I love him all the more for it. I understand the psalmist's feelings in 116. "I love the Lord, for he heard my voice, for he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me I will call on him, for as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me. The Lord protects the simple-hearted; I was in great need, and he saved me."

--MovingGirl