Reunions are supposed to be happy

My emotions like to beat me up like a spartan on hammerspree. Overkill is definitely a problem too.
Like those nice people who continue to beat your body and weapons until they have flown off the map after a spectacular kill.
I wish I could come up behind my emotions and assassinate them like I can that friend.
But I can't.
And why I'm using Halo references I do not know, perhaps because I've been playing it way too often lately.
Anyway, point is that my emotions don't like me at times.
It's mutual.
But for example, take last night. A friend I haven't seen in the longest time, 5 years, suddenly shows up at my house (I knew she was in town) and it's all excitement and awesomeness. But all I can think about is that she is leaving Monday. All I can think about is that we are going to have to part again. Like one time when my family was leaving Japan and we were on an elevator with our best friends who were also leaving and that was when we realized we had to part. This sudden-quick goodbye that leaves you disoriented and not knowing what to do.
I have that feeling now. Like this is just a happen-chance meeting for us (which it is, I guess) but that the elevator is approaching our floor and we'll have to say goodbye.
I am ever so incredibly thankful for the good friends of ours who flew her up for their daughter's birthday and are generous enough to share her for a whole night. This is so cool, but my heart feels like it is already breaking, and I want to cry knowing this is not going to last. Like I've lost something before I got it.
But she is a best friend.
So I have all these odd emotions battering me back and forth and I truly don't know how to stop them. I know what I should be thinking, feeling, doing. I know that I should focus on the blessing and the good of this but I really don't want to.
Maybe I'm just stuck in a pity party or something.
But the emotions are real. I know that.
Having to wait another 4-5 months to see her again, (if we even can), is WAY too long.
Sigh.
I'm still excited and happy. Those emotions haven't gone away and they are probably part of the reason why I feel so tossed around, like I don't know what to feel.

God is good though. Because of all this I had a great night last night with Him.


--MovingGirl

Preparation and Destination

As we are preparing to move, I keep getting the sense that it has to happen fast because things are coming soon that are going to have serious effects on our nation and if we aren't in a place of preparedness then we face some severe problems. I want to keep asking God, 'please wait for us! Please wait for us to get down there and settled before you send the storms! Please wait!'
I say I want to keep asking because I know that this whole move and the timing was already in God's plan and he's moving us right now in this season for a reason. I think we are going to be in a position to help other people through this time by the resources we will be given, such as a well with good drinking water (lots of it). Food, I think besides the provisions we will store up we will have some source of food on whatever land we buy. And shelter. Just a safe place to come, rest, worship and fellowship. A house that is open 24-7-365. I see us in a boarding house sort of situation, although I have no idea if that is literal of figurative.
That's why God's going to absolutely have his hand in this. Who else but God could put all these things, desires and needs together into one piece of property and offer it to us at a price that won't cause us to have to go in debt over. Only God. Only God.
But I trust him. I believe that even now there is a house and land being prepared for us. I believe right now somewhere there are people praying for us, maybe without praying for us specifically, but for a family to come. For what reasons I don't know, but God is going ahead of us to prepare the way and he will also be our rear guard on our way out, protecting us and comforting us when we leave everything we know and love to go to a foreign land that is WAY too hot.
This is such a new adventure for us. And such a step out in faith. No job, no house, not even a city lined up. The only thing we know is God, and he is greater than any of that. Trusting him.

--MovingGirl

Prayer.Period.

While browsing for houses in KY/TN we came across one that had a run-down old barn, still completely usable, with lights and a sort of 'basement' feel to it. It just needed to be cleaned up, a pool table to be put in, maybe a projector and some couches, carpet, rugs, pictures on the walls, or maybe random paintings. (on the walls themselves, not hung on the walls). I could see it. A hangout. A safe place. To have fun, to have worship. To have prayer. I could see it. And all this before I discovered that there was, indeed, a prayer movement that seemed to be the perfect thing for what I was seeing. The vision in action. When I started reading up on 24-7 prayer, how it started, its roots with the Moravians and Count Zinzendorf...I was  ecstatic. Here it was! Exactly the burden that had been laid on my heart. The puzzle piece that seemed to snap into place with a loud and satisfying intensity.

I was excited. And my excitement grew the more I researched. I bought the book Red Moon Rising by Pete Greig and Dave Roberts. I read it and recently finished it. I found websites on the 24-7 prayer movement and read jealously about the churches, ministries, organizations, and nations who were involved in it. 

I briefly became saddened by the fact that such a huge movement had somehow passed me by. Had passed my church by, and perhaps the entire state of Alaska. Why had I never heard of it??? Where was the whiff of Spirit and movement in my area???

I was hungry. Am hungry. And oh, so excited. Then recently as I was packing my belongings into boxes for our move, I came across a prophecy for Alaska that I hadn't read in a long time. Here it is:

"I am the Lord Your God, and I have not forgotten you, Alaska. You are in a time of beginning preparation. I am waiting for you to wake up, to hunger, to thirst for me. I am waiting for the children who are in need of a Father. Do not be still. Do not be silent.
Wake up! Wake up! Come into the gifts I have for you! You are to be a part of the international phenomenon I am starting in my church. Do not be left behind! Wake up! Rise up! Accept what is your inheritance. Joy! Joy! Joy! My heart is one of love and compassion for my hurting, aching people. My spirit is among you searching, knocking.
Rise up! Rise up and accept your anointing. Be my people fully, thoroughly. Know that I have not forgotten you. I am waiting. Waiting for the hunger, the need. Wake up you sleepy people! Renew your hunger! Renew your thirst! Come and I will give you LIFE. Wake up! The time is soon coming when you will need the gifts I have given you; your young will prophesy and your old will speak of me, of wisdom. The Holy Spirit will be poured out upon Alaska and my church and you will be a witness to the world in the cold days to come.
You who have been prepared in the dark and the long winter nights, wake up! Accept your calling. Repent! Turn to me! I will not let you go hungry. Wake up! Rise up! You will be a light in the dark days to come. My church, my children, arise! Know that I am the Lord Your God and I am calling you out of the darkness and out of your beds to seek me. Wake up! Rejoice! For the Spirit of the Lord is about to descend upon you.
Wake up, rise up, my church, my beloved. Serve me with hearts of fire, with cups raised to me in supplication. They will be filled to overflowing. Would I withhold my glory from you? Wake up! Rise up! Wake up! I am coming!"

Reading this seemed to ignite a new fire in me. Like a hot coal waiting for the fresh wind. When this first came, I was energized, excited, but not necessarily moved to do anything in particular. But now, in this time when my family and I are being called out to an entirely new place and setting I feel that this message is more important than ever. Oh, Jesus! I want to be part of it. I want to wake up and rise up!

My vision now is greater than Anchorage, Alaska, the USA. My vision stretches world wide on the winds of the Spirit. Japan. Egypt. Israel. Switzerland. Germany. Spain. Mexico. Australia. China. India. Pakistan. The Philippines...on and on and on and on until every nation is consumed. Rising, rising, rising higher until the heavens themselves cannot contain us! An Army. United. A Sound. A Battle Cry. A looming victory over the hardships and battles uniting together into the final cry of the church in the end as we watch our Savior come!!!! This is what I see. This is what we see. This is what I am. This is what we are. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Come, Lord Jesus, Come. Let your Kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven! Amen.


Hallelujah.

Stand with me?

--MovingGirl

Desire.Coming.

The previous post, Are You Ready for This was a precursor to some cool things that God has begun in my journey with him. Already I am seeing his Spirit moving in ways I truly never expected. I now have hopes, dreams, and deep-rooted desires being awoken again, given a breath of life and a chance to thrive where they were never able before.

I believe that my journey south to TN/KY has a major part to play in this Spirit-movement God is doing in my life, and the opportunities that await down there for the exact wishes of my heart, are abundant. They are abundant and ripe, ready for the season and purpose to which God is calling me.

For you see, I have a dream. A dream that took root years ago as I sat down with my mom and wept over the state of our youth: one of whom I was apart. I cried for the pain, the loneliness, the heartache, the wants and desires, the missing pieces, the emptiness of the youth. And this from only the church. Since then I've watched (mainly from afar as my own hope for the youth never took off) God do something cool, even bigger and better than I could have dreamed.

I look now and see a youth group who is fired up for him, who is walking into the greater excitement and power of the Holy Spirit and relationship with God. I see girls who are insecure, but not afraid to admit it. I see cliques who long and hunger for God and as they do the inclusion of others becomes second nature. I see outcasts who suddenly belong because of the deep need that fills us all. I see an imperfect youth group, but a beautiful vessel. God's shaping of it has been glorious to watch.

 This especially coming from an extremely dry period in the youth, where even the great teaching and atmosphere could barely penetrate the hearts of the students. But now I see the glimpses, the beginnings of an army arising that I dreamed about on that couch with my mom. It's not there yet, but it is closer than ever as the youth themselves are drawing closer to Jesus and I for one, am extremely excited. Let me share with you the exciting vision God gave me for this generation of youth church-goers.

My vision is of youth group up in the Loft (the church hangout) one night, in  the middle of a heavenly worship session where they abandon their sensibilities, their pride, and their 'coolness' for the Awesomeness of God. I see following this worship a time of outpouring of the Holy Spirit that rivals any our church has ever seen. A glorious anointing followed by an incredible time of repentance, forgiveness (among each other and personally with God), worship and, incredibly, signs and wonders, healing, tongues, etc.

They would lose track of time, parents would wander in looking for late children and be drawn into the presence of God, cars would be left running in the parking lot, purses dropped to the floor as people fall to their knees in awe of God and his glory. The room would be lit from the thickness of the glory of God, a golden glow with no seen source. This would go on for hours until it finally subsided, but the fire in the hearts of the people would remain alive forever. They would walk out of there, students, leaders, parents, family, church staff, in a kind of shock as they retrieved purses and wallets, cars and little children, and went home to the songs of angels resonating in their heart, mind and spirit because the Spirit of God visited them that day.

This is what I saw.Unity by the Spirit of God. Fire. Holiness. Awe. Power. Humility. Strength. Meekness. Forgiveness. Repentance. Sorrow. Joy. Healing. Release. Freedom. An Army on their knees.

I said then that I would pray for it. Truth is that I haven't. But as God is calling me back to the vision I saw that day, and as he is calling me to a deeper desire for prayer, I want to. I want to desire and pray for that vision again. Because I believe that when God gave me it, it was an absolutely possible future.

And I know I am not the only one God has laid this vision upon. Every leader that serves the youth there is doing so not only because they enjoy it, but because they have been called by God to do so. I know that every leader has an awesome part to play in the eventuality of this vision coming true. So thank you, leaders, for being a role model for the students, for being a guidepost and an encouragement and a helper for them. For being their friends and their counselors. For just being there.

And see, this is one of my desires. Long in hibernation but waking again, just as Alaska is beginning it's long road back to the light of summer. I long for this. And not only here, in Alaska, but wherever God is calling me. Whether it be the backwoods of Kentucky, the communities of Tennessee, or the crowded cities of Japan. I see an Army rising.

I'll write about prayer in the next post.

--MovingGirl

Rattle and Rise

?# attempt at surreal poem. I think I'm getting it, doesn't help that it's due tonight.

Dusty, earth, red puffs rising
Drops, rain, beating the ground
Drums, pounding a song of dirt
Bones so dry must wake
must wake!

Dry, brittle, white as the moon
Dreary, rattling in the wind
Drifting, tumbling red-coated
Baked with cinnamon dust
with dust!

But the bones must wake
Those ripened limbs, the skulls
the fingers, the shins and knees
For you see bones
but I see an army
Rank upon
rank
of victory

Flesh, sinew and muscle forming
Fresh, skin and pores burnt red
Free, saved from confines of
Death and a bed of cinnamon swirl
of swirl!

Waking, stirring bones are living
Walking, emerging from the dust
Watching, earth now filled with breath
Rain beats down the drums of war
of war!

The bones stand boldly
Those haunting eyes, the teeth
the fingers, the skin and under
For you see bones
but I see an army
Marching to
drums
of thunder


--MovingGirl

Rattle and Rise (Wasteland Dry Bones)

Surrealist poem template totally using the Bible. Oh yeah. 

The wastes are empty
the bones are dry
the ground cries out
thirsty
they lay where they have fallen
hungry for life
dry bones, dry bones
a dead army

But where is the life
the muscle, the breath
the waking terror
the sinew and sound
waiting
waiting
for a drop of rain

The clouds gather
like despairing friends
gossiping, dooming
the army that's dead
And the rain falls down like
arrows

For you see bones
but I see an army
a generation of old
rising up anew
hungry, yes
thirsty no more
the rain is falling
again

The bones are fleshed out
the sinews are roped
a whole body formed
out of dust and rain
they stand and approach
they glare at the sky
nothing to defy
nothing to defy

For you see bones
but I see an army
hungry and ready
for the battle cry
each one a rattle
a sound to combine
into a war cry
a horn blows again

Rise up! Rise up!
raise the banner
the bones are here
the army is awake
and thriving
once more
for the rain has fallen
the dust has stirred
and hope is renewed
once more

For you see bones
but I see an army
rising to the sound
of the drums
of war.


--MovingGirl

Are you ready for this?

I believe that God is calling me, my sister, my brother, my friends, and this entire generation into a time and place of intense communion with him. I believe (like the crazy fool I am) that Jesus is here and the Holy Spirit is gearing up for an awesome outpouring.
I can say this because of the evidence in my own life: A deep, abiding hunger for something more, an incredible boost of faith and belief. A desire to be 24-7 in the presence of God. And a cool understanding that making mistakes is okay because Jesus' forgiveness is there for me. And that he loves me.
I'm beginning to venture deeper into who God is. Watch out, here is a secret:
I speak in tongues. Have been since I was eleven when I was baptized in the Holy Spirit while listening to a Spirit-filled friend of the family playing a song on the piano which she had never learned. The idea has always been normal to me, along with the spiritual world. More real than this one, for sure. Even growing up in a church that does not venture into the Spirit realm (although they have the most rock solid theology!) I have always been very...'at peace' with it all. Praying in tongues, spiritual warfare, worship, the presence of God, prophecy, miracles, etc.

It's real for me. Has been since I was young and stuck in a bedroom all by myself as it got darker and darker until I was screaming and screaming and my entire family right outside in the living room could not hear me at all. When the presence of darkness and fear finally lifted enough for me to bolt from the room I stood there staring at my family wondering why they hadn't come. Why they hadn't heard me.
I was afraid of the dark for years.
Now I understand more clearly that the presence I felt was evil and manifested in a form I could feel, sense, see. I also realize that the Name of Jesus (my savior) can dispel that darkness.
I know because I've experienced it.

God's presence for me is like a warm, golden glow. Thick, like you can run your fingers through it. It's sparkly, and pretty and so, so comforting.
I know because I saw it, felt it at the age of nine or ten.

Prophecy is such a wonderful gift from God and a word given to me through my uncle for my thirteenth birthday has set me on a path of communion with the Father, freedom, and encouragement.
I know, because my relationship with God is so much better because he chose to speak to me through my uncle.

Singing to God in tongues has been an immensely intense experience at times as I praise him in the midst of my day, whether it be the best ever or the worst. It's drawn me closer to him and at times opened the ears and eyes of my heart to hear the Spirit speaking.
I know because the presence of God has come in the midst while I praise him, the word the Spirit is speaking is life, encouraging, and timely. Sometimes prophetic.

I've fought and I've fallen hard as a result of not being fully prepared going into battle. Partly because of my naivete, partly because of my youth, and mainly because of my pride.
But I know that the war is real because of the attacks that come when I go to war in the heavenlies. I know it's real because I've seen the victory that comes.

Some of the best times in my life have come in the middle of the storms, when I feel like I'm drowning I 'lift my eyes unto the hills' and sing my praises to my maker-creator, my God and King.
I know the power of worship because it has set me free from bondages, addictions, depression, and despair.

When I was younger, I can't remember the year, I had several miracles occur regarding my pet dove. The first being God miraculously, in the middle of my weeping and crying out to him, allowed the baby dove to live by sending the daddy bird to feed it right before my eyes. Ask me sometime to elaborate. The second being when the same dove broke her back flying into a window. She couldn't walk, she couldn't stand, wouldn't even open her eyes although she was still breathing. I cried, wept, and begged God for a miracle. Two days later, she was flying. The third, or fourth, or fifth time is when she flew off and disappeared. With bad flying skills (perhaps because of her healed back) she has no control over where she goes. And she'd never flown outside. After about 2-3 hours of persistent prayer and weeping before God, he sent her flying back to land right at the feet of my dad, at the back of our house.
That is only part of how I know miracles are true. I've witnessed spectacular healings and even now am believing God for one in the life of a family friend. He's going to heal him. I know it because God spoke to me through the Spirit and gave me a word.

This is why I believe. This is why I do it. I'm not perfect. I read the Bible less than I read works on the Bible. A greater desire for the Word is one of my requests to God and a discipline I need to work on. I have low self-control. It's one of the reasons I struggle with my weight. I eat for comfort instead of going to God. I have minuscule amounts of patience although I've already seen God working in me and thankfully it's growing through the grace of Jesus...Also, I let my fears and insecurities take me down all the time, with me ending up angry and acting proud. Or being proud, I guess.

But the work Jesus is doing in my life and the work done on the cross are becoming the truths that I stand on and the reality of me.

I'm one of those crazy fools. I desire to spend multiple hours in prayer (two-way communion) with him and have a desire to grow in the spiritual gifts as I grow closer to him. Not very popular these days as 'safe' and 'sure' are better and you don't want to 'go off the deep end'. While that is true, I'm taking that leap of faith, jumping off the cliff into the ocean of God's love, and I'm doing it with Jesus. The deep end is what I want. A relationship that requires all of me. Less self, more Him.

So I hope you're ready for this because God and I are on a journey that will take us places that are not politically correct, religiously bound, or hopelessly boring. I'm emerging from the dust, a dry bone which God is inhabiting and bringing to life. A soldier. In an army.

Will you join us? (God and the rising generation)
Are you ready for this?
So as Steven Curtis Chapman says:
"'So here I go
I'm diving in
I'm going deep
In over my head I wanna be
Caught in the rush
Lost in the flow
In over my head I wanna go
The river's deep
The river's wide
The river's water is alive
So sink or swim
I'm diving in
I'm diving in."

--MovingGirl

Brother

A working revision of the poem.

Kobe Again

Brother,
There was a small earth shaking last week.
It reminded me of '94, or maybe it was '95.
Yeah, '95. It was January, my fourth winter,
the day in Kobe when 6,400 died.
That Japanese tower rocked like a crib
but the walls made it feel like a tomb.
I remember you saying that the ninth floor
never felt so high until that day
when we could almost touch the ground.
The first tremor hit, then the second. I remember
staring up at you in wonder as you came
flying into my room like a Knight in Brilliant Armor
...only you were wearing your Mickey Mouse pajamas.
I thought the world of you, the day the world
fell apart; curling up around me the day 6,400 died.
They say it lasted twenty seconds but I knew it took a lifetime.
The cabinets flew open, the fridge spilled its guts
and that white cabinet of mine landed on top of you.
It probably saved both of our lives.
Then fourteen years later we sat on our porch
and you mentioned to me that you wanted to travel.
To help people. I smiled. Nodded.
And then another January, another earth shaking.
When I heard the news from Haiti, I fell.
I was four again, in Kobe with the earth
quaking with anger around me;
my ears once more hearing your soft,
whispered prayers that tickled my neck
and sounded like a choir of angels
as the TV toppled and the windows shattered.
A quarter million this time. And I was safe
in the most dangerous place. I thought, perhaps,
that moving to Alaska was tempting fate,
almost as if asking for another earth shaking.
This time with no tower to rock me, no Knight
to save me. But no, the shaking followed you:
with your charity work and passion for the needy.
Damn you. You traveled to Haiti
and sent me to Hades. And last year you left me
to face all the quaking alone. No one
to guard, no one to rock, no one to sing
lullabies. Now I sit quietly on my porch, alone.
Humming a prayer that sounds like one's doom.
Because I haven't forgiven myself for your death.
I shouldn't have smiled. I shouldn't have nodded.
And every day is Kobe again.
Sister.

Masques

About five feathers
Are growing out of her eyebrow
Many more out of her cheekbones
And lashes
The mixture of dark, exotic brown
And dull, toned greens
Give her the look of royalty

As she turns her head
The feathers fall
And now masking tape
Covers her face
In an attempt
Perhaps
To shield or fix

Nothing about her glass eyes
Give her feelings away
But as she blinks
The image changes
And out of her lips
Protrudes a tongue
Black and long
Pink and short
Can't tell beyond the glassy gaze

She stares out of a mask
That highlights her flaws
Yet draws no attention
To her heart
For behind the feathers
The masking tape
Is a face full of dreams
And lies someone told her
So the feathers remain
And the tape (or the glue)
Masks her features
Harshly

This was actually a very early attempt (like years ago) that I
can't stand for some reason. It bothers me. There are pieces missing.
Or something. I don't know.

--MovingGirl

Hungry Stew

The more I fed it
The larger it got
The larger it got
The more it was hungry
So I cut up some carrots
I chopped up the onions
But those only made me cry
So I threw in the onions
And poured in some lemons
Just the juice, that is
And then came the celery
Since I had no potatoes
And the last thing to feed
Was a lamb
In the lamb went
With precision and care
The lamb was the biggest
Best part
The heart and the tongue
The eyes and a lung
Into the soup it went
But the more I fed it
The larger it got
And the larger it got
The more hungry it was
So I finally decided
After a minute or two
To feed it myself
So into the stew
Went I
And all those chopped onions
Made me cry.

My first attempt at a surreal poem. Haha. So much fun.

--MovingGirl

The Wonderful Time That God Affords

I'm house-sitting as of yesterday and it's a pretty cool opportunity (the timing somehow was perfect...aka God planned).
Basically the past week I've been discovering a growing desire and need for prayer in my life not only to grow closer to God but also to intercede for others. Already God has promised me a huge family miracle and as of 2:30 Tuesday afternoon it began and was finished in the heavenly realms. God is beginning to move in powerful ways not just in my life but in my family's lives and my friends. I am overwhelmed but also ecstatic at the awesome things I'm witnessing happening and what will be happening in the future. Suddenly the world is "big-ified" and school and work and my troubles seem so small.
God. God. God.
He is so amazing. I'm learning so much about him and about his gifts and his love. His power and his justice. And he has presented me with the perfect opportunities to pray and possibly fast in a place where I can retreat. (Thank you to the family who has allowed me the privilege of staying in your home while you are away.)
I am discovering new aspects of worship. Worship is a weapon! It is an instrument of praise! It is a purpose and a holy communion with the Father! Worship is for warfare. Worship is for praise. Worship is for healing and deliverance. Worship is for revelation and the prophetic. Worship is for loving a big, big God. Worship....it is an invaluable and just amazing thing. When I feel like self-pitying, being depressed, angry, sad, hurt I sing a line or two of praise and BOOM. It may take several hours of repeated songs or choruses or praise for the fog to lift but I know this: It ALWAYS does. God is faithful.
So worship is being revealed to me in cool ways.
I'm reading great resources on it that are helping me to understand this so I can't take full credit for all of these revelations as God is using these books and authors to speak to me:
Emerging Worship by Roland Worton
The Worship Warrior by Chuck Pierce
And more...
I can't explain how grateful I am to my parents for collecting so many awesome resources over the years. (I've managed to transfer nearly all of them to my own bookshelves...heehee). It's amazing how much there is to study to read and to ingest. Not all of it is absolutely true, there is always points to disagree with or things like that, and we should always compare what we read with scripture (I should probably engage in that more often than I do) but the understanding and clarifying and learning that can be gained from them is great. The Bible becomes alive and active, powerful and strong. I read the psalms or the truths or the stories or the declarations and am amazed. More in my heart! More in my heart!!!

I can't wait to see what else God will reveal to me in this time of trial but I can truly say I am glad to be here in this place. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Father, thank you!!!!

--MovingGirl