There's a time when everybody realizes that they are adults. For some that might be high school graduation, some, when they get their first "real job", others might realize it in kindergarten while fingerpainting. Me? It kind of hit me really hard just now. You see, my family is moving.
Moving.
Moving.
Moving.
I can hear it echoing in my mind.
And at the beginning of the fall semester I had a choice. Figure out (as an adult) some way to stay behind in Alaska and finish school or something...or I could join my family down in TN/KY. I decided to stay and brave out the weather and cold and try to get some schooling finished. I have a scholarship that makes UAA a nice choice.
Then I realized that the cost of living up here--whether the dorms or an apartment somewhere--would cost me a good 16 grand for just two semesters. Not including winter vaca or summer vaca.
I changed my mind. Granted, I changed my mind for different reasons, such as the fact that my family has gotten really close the past year or so and I absolutely love them. I didn't want to be separated so soon after finally coming to this place where we are so close.
And I'm a homebody.
But anyway, I was definitely going.
And then an option opened up. Our good friend offered to let me stay with her for the next year before she follows us down to TN/KY as well. I'm sure that would include rent of some sort, but it would be doable.
And then I wasn't so sure anymore what I wanted to do.
I need to pray about it, obviously, and I trust God to take care of me no matter where I am. But I need to sort out what's going on, too, which is why I'm writing this.
So I began to think about the options. And it hit me. I'm 19. An adult. Living with my parents and totally happy with it, but the fact is that they might not be...
How long do I truly expect to live with them? If I'm moving with them, do we bother looking for a four bedroom house if I could very well be moving out on my own so soon? Should I even bother with my own input for what I personally like? Can I truly be a part of this process as much as I have been anymore?
I may only have a few years left with them.
It made me cry.
See, I think there is a day when everyone realizes this. For some it may be forced. Divorce, death, orphanage, finances, bad family.
For me, it's hitting now. And I don't want my parents to burdened with me and my own desires and likes if I very well might not be with them long.
It hurts. I love them so much. I never really thought about what it would be like to be on my own. Not so much the actual living on my own, I have no problem with taking care of myself. It's the living away from them. I love them so, so much. It hurts.
I'm beginning to think growing up isn't as cool as everyone makes it sound. But we all have to grow up somehow. I should be grateful my experience has been kind so far.
I should be. But perhaps I'm just too spoiled.
God, what now?
--MovingGirl
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