After

So now that I'm done spamming my own blog with prose poetry, none of which was a new creation besides Whirlwind, I'll get back to my usual.

Poetry writing is the way I process things, though. Everything I feel I can usually begin to understand after writing it down, but most of the stuff I write comes out like poetry. Dreams, words, visions, journeys, emotions, truths...it all just come out like a poem. I like that.

Anyway, lots of things have been happening in my life the past week. One phrase that I received in my 13th bday letter was "Bitterness of the past will dissolve in the depths of my love." I'm beginning to experience that promise. It's amazing how much He has been doing in my life, and how amazingly different I feel. It's kind of weird, I feel a little more clear and a little more mature. But only through the dependence I have in Him right now. It's odd. I could never even begin to express all the things he's been doing. I'm going to have to make do with the above, because simply, it's all way too complicated and connected for even me.

Forgiveness is taking place, though. That is a big thing. And recognizing places of spiritual bondage that are a result of my own sin as well as things from the past. Going back and burning those bridges and chains through the grace of God. I never realized how deep a lot of these things were until I finally shared with my mom. It's amazing. I feel so...different. I'm not done yet, there are still many steps I need to take for different things, but as I am emerging from the storm, as it lightens, I lighten, and as it dissipates, all my troubles and worries are dissipating too. Not to say there aren't any. In fact, this next week is going to be more stressful and hectic than any other...but I'm free and stronger in places I wasn't before. His truths are being revealed to me in ways that allow me to pursue them. Such as the truth about His word. Well, there are many truths about it, but just getting me back to the point of memorizing it again so I can have it in my heart to call upon. I guess you could say He's changing my heart in order for me to pursue Him better. That might be a better way of saying it.

He's also in the process of helping me to open up my hand and let go of things that I so wanted to hold onto. Like FirePlace. I'm really feeling the push toward moving aside more and more and letting the others involved, Becca and Michael, Xan and possibly a few who haven't joined take over. Let them be the foundation for right now. Because God is doing something in me that is helping me to separate and allowing me the grace to be able to let go and move on. Part of the struggle with this is that FirePlace isn't the group or the activities or the Holy Spirit-led curriculum. It's the people. And this means letting go of the people. My friends. Which is why it hurts so much. But God is gracious. He truly is.

Things are changing. And not just around me but inside of me, and it's odd, because I never imagined this when I thought about it. Oh! I have a coolish story to share in another post, too.

God is good forever and always.

--MovingGirl