My emotions like to beat me up like a spartan on hammerspree. Overkill is definitely a problem too.
Like those nice people who continue to beat your body and weapons until they have flown off the map after a spectacular kill.
I wish I could come up behind my emotions and assassinate them like I can that friend.
But I can't.
And why I'm using Halo references I do not know, perhaps because I've been playing it way too often lately.
Anyway, point is that my emotions don't like me at times.
It's mutual.
But for example, take last night. A friend I haven't seen in the longest time, 5 years, suddenly shows up at my house (I knew she was in town) and it's all excitement and awesomeness. But all I can think about is that she is leaving Monday. All I can think about is that we are going to have to part again. Like one time when my family was leaving Japan and we were on an elevator with our best friends who were also leaving and that was when we realized we had to part. This sudden-quick goodbye that leaves you disoriented and not knowing what to do.
I have that feeling now. Like this is just a happen-chance meeting for us (which it is, I guess) but that the elevator is approaching our floor and we'll have to say goodbye.
I am ever so incredibly thankful for the good friends of ours who flew her up for their daughter's birthday and are generous enough to share her for a whole night. This is so cool, but my heart feels like it is already breaking, and I want to cry knowing this is not going to last. Like I've lost something before I got it.
But she is a best friend.
So I have all these odd emotions battering me back and forth and I truly don't know how to stop them. I know what I should be thinking, feeling, doing. I know that I should focus on the blessing and the good of this but I really don't want to.
Maybe I'm just stuck in a pity party or something.
But the emotions are real. I know that.
Having to wait another 4-5 months to see her again, (if we even can), is WAY too long.
Sigh.
I'm still excited and happy. Those emotions haven't gone away and they are probably part of the reason why I feel so tossed around, like I don't know what to feel.
God is good though. Because of all this I had a great night last night with Him.
--MovingGirl
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